The other night Stevie and I were having typical conversation between us. Talking about our jobs, our children, our families and our life plans. We both started reflecting some on the way we were raised. As I talked I guess what I would call a mini-renewal.
It is easy to take for granted the work God has done in our lives. Not because the work isn't incredible but because we are often like the Israelites-forgetful of what God has done and unappreciative of the manna He has supplied us with in the desert.
So as I was recounting some things from my childhood I just had this overwhelming surge of love and appreciation-the Holy Spirit was at work. And although I've always known this, I was reminded of how unceasingly God has pursued me in my life and always lead me by the hand.
It was a great reminder. For some reason as an adult now with a mortgage, a job, laundry and children to bathe and feed, I sometimes forget that God is just a present now and is as in much of pursuit of me now, as He was then.
Sometimes I feel like the men that were on the Road to Emmaus after Christ's resurrection. There he was walking along side them, talking and explaining things to them and it wasn't till later that they realized it was Jesus present among them!
Hello, Monica! God is right where He has always been....walking along the road beside you!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Beautiful thing
One of the most beautiful things to me is putting my boys to bed. In those moments when I hold them, rock them and say their prayers with them, everything else in the world ceases to matter. Every night I'm filled with amazement at the little beings in my arms that God blessed Stevie and me with. I often find myself in disbelief that each of them was created inside of me and is the perfect combination of his parents.
I'm so thankful for each and every night that I get to reflect on my children as I hold them in my arms and lay them down for a blissful night of sleep.
I'm so thankful for each and every night that I get to reflect on my children as I hold them in my arms and lay them down for a blissful night of sleep.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
New Perspective
This week is Holy Week in the Catholic Church-a time when we focus on the Passion of Christ and his sufferings before his glorious resurrection on Easter Sunday.
I decided to read the different accounts of the Passion of Christ in each of the gospels this week. Yesterday I started by reading Matthew's account. About half way through I decided it would be worthwhile to read it through the eyes of Mary, as Jesus' mother. Reading it in this way gave me a totally new perspective I've never had before.
In these last 2 years I feel like motherhood has changed me in ways I've never imagined. The love I feel for my boys is something that, as cliche as it sounds, cannot be explained in words. So when I tried to look at what happened to Jesus after Palm Sunday through the eyes of his mother, my heart ached more than I think it ever has when I read the story I've heard so many times before. I cannot imagine watching either of my children go through what Jesus did for us. I cannot imagine having to watch my son give up his perfect, sinless life for the stained, sinful lives of the entire world. What pain Mary must have felt, what suffering she must have gone through, the questions, the doubt, the trust in God.
Before we celebrate the joy of Jesus' resurrection this Easter Sunday, I want to encourage you to take a moment and reflect on his passion and his sufferings from the roadside of the via de la rosa, from the foot of the cross-from the perspective of his loving mother.
I decided to read the different accounts of the Passion of Christ in each of the gospels this week. Yesterday I started by reading Matthew's account. About half way through I decided it would be worthwhile to read it through the eyes of Mary, as Jesus' mother. Reading it in this way gave me a totally new perspective I've never had before.
In these last 2 years I feel like motherhood has changed me in ways I've never imagined. The love I feel for my boys is something that, as cliche as it sounds, cannot be explained in words. So when I tried to look at what happened to Jesus after Palm Sunday through the eyes of his mother, my heart ached more than I think it ever has when I read the story I've heard so many times before. I cannot imagine watching either of my children go through what Jesus did for us. I cannot imagine having to watch my son give up his perfect, sinless life for the stained, sinful lives of the entire world. What pain Mary must have felt, what suffering she must have gone through, the questions, the doubt, the trust in God.
Before we celebrate the joy of Jesus' resurrection this Easter Sunday, I want to encourage you to take a moment and reflect on his passion and his sufferings from the roadside of the via de la rosa, from the foot of the cross-from the perspective of his loving mother.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
My book
I've put my foot down hard - to myself that is. I have been saying for about 3 years now that I want to write a book. I've actually made an attempt to begin once or twice but let other things get in the way. Well I've had enough of my wishywashyness and am making a resolution right here, right now on my blog. That way, those of you reading can help keep me accountable.
I have several reasons to write my book but I had a thought that came out of a particular situation that stuck with me. This is some pretty intense stuff so bear with me.
A little over a month ago one of the elementary school counselors in the district where I work suddenly passed away. She was a single mom of a high school age girl, probably in her late 30's or early 40's. Although I didn't "know her" personally, I knew who she was from our counselor meetings and she had a very bubbly, likable personality.
One Sunday afternoon, the day before the work week started again for us all, she was simply doing some work around her house, passed out and later died. It was very unexpected and tragic, I'm sure, for all of her family and friends.
This past Thursday I sat in the office of the principal at the school where the counselor, Cari, worked. Since I only work part time, my name was given to the principal as a prospect for helping their school with test coordination (a counselor's job) for the remainder of the school year - to help them get through what is left of testing.
I had to wait quite a while to see the principal and as I sat in the lobby, I did a lot of thinking. This school is having a hard time dealing with the loss of such a beloved friend and co-worker. Later the principal told me, as tears welled up in her eyes, that they had just begun to clean out her office and personal belongings and it was taking a toll on her. Then that got me to thinking about what would happen if I died, and others had to go through my personal belongings. What kind of story about me would those things that they find tell?
And then I remembered my book.
Probably one of the most important stories I have to tell, I have kept bottled up inside of me for about 5 years now. When I die, it's part of the legacy I want to leave behind.
Once I had a conversation with Stevie about if I were to die - you know - before we're old and our kids are grown. I told him I had done some serious thinking about it and that there were a few things I wanted him to know. 1) I want him to always keep my memory very present with our children and always remind them of how much I love them. 2) I want him to remarry a good, Catholic woman who will raise our boys the way I would have - rooted in the teachings of the Church and instilling a love for God and His ways.
Well the book I am going to write encompasses that and more. The most important (and surprising) thing that ever happened to me was my conversion from my Baptist/Assembly of God/Non-denominational background into the Catholic Church. The journey God sent me on which led me to His church was an incredible one filled with a lot of growing pains, stubbornness, pride, questions, answers, and ultimately peace, fulfillment and joy. I want others to know about that journey and I want to make sure that my story is written down, recorded, a part of my history that will not be erased once I leave this earth.
My book may never be published but it will be written. It may not be read by millions or make the best seller's list, but the eyes that need to see it, will.
So I've begun. I actually have the introduction complete - 4 pages. And I think I will write the book like a love story - the love story between Stevie and me and the love story between God and me and how the two interweave.
So don't hesitate to check in with me from time to time and see how it's going. I could use the extra push!
I have several reasons to write my book but I had a thought that came out of a particular situation that stuck with me. This is some pretty intense stuff so bear with me.
A little over a month ago one of the elementary school counselors in the district where I work suddenly passed away. She was a single mom of a high school age girl, probably in her late 30's or early 40's. Although I didn't "know her" personally, I knew who she was from our counselor meetings and she had a very bubbly, likable personality.
One Sunday afternoon, the day before the work week started again for us all, she was simply doing some work around her house, passed out and later died. It was very unexpected and tragic, I'm sure, for all of her family and friends.
This past Thursday I sat in the office of the principal at the school where the counselor, Cari, worked. Since I only work part time, my name was given to the principal as a prospect for helping their school with test coordination (a counselor's job) for the remainder of the school year - to help them get through what is left of testing.
I had to wait quite a while to see the principal and as I sat in the lobby, I did a lot of thinking. This school is having a hard time dealing with the loss of such a beloved friend and co-worker. Later the principal told me, as tears welled up in her eyes, that they had just begun to clean out her office and personal belongings and it was taking a toll on her. Then that got me to thinking about what would happen if I died, and others had to go through my personal belongings. What kind of story about me would those things that they find tell?
And then I remembered my book.
Probably one of the most important stories I have to tell, I have kept bottled up inside of me for about 5 years now. When I die, it's part of the legacy I want to leave behind.
Once I had a conversation with Stevie about if I were to die - you know - before we're old and our kids are grown. I told him I had done some serious thinking about it and that there were a few things I wanted him to know. 1) I want him to always keep my memory very present with our children and always remind them of how much I love them. 2) I want him to remarry a good, Catholic woman who will raise our boys the way I would have - rooted in the teachings of the Church and instilling a love for God and His ways.
Well the book I am going to write encompasses that and more. The most important (and surprising) thing that ever happened to me was my conversion from my Baptist/Assembly of God/Non-denominational background into the Catholic Church. The journey God sent me on which led me to His church was an incredible one filled with a lot of growing pains, stubbornness, pride, questions, answers, and ultimately peace, fulfillment and joy. I want others to know about that journey and I want to make sure that my story is written down, recorded, a part of my history that will not be erased once I leave this earth.
My book may never be published but it will be written. It may not be read by millions or make the best seller's list, but the eyes that need to see it, will.
So I've begun. I actually have the introduction complete - 4 pages. And I think I will write the book like a love story - the love story between Stevie and me and the love story between God and me and how the two interweave.
So don't hesitate to check in with me from time to time and see how it's going. I could use the extra push!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A Simpler Life
Yesterday at work something happened that at first, proved to be very stressful to me....but then after a few moments of realizing I could not change the situation, it was very liberating! In an effort to multitask, I inadvertently deleted all of my email in my work inbox not only from the inbox but from my trash as well. After 15 frantic minutes of trying to recover it all and fumbling through tons of "help" dialogues that frankly weren't very helpful at all, I succumbed to the technology powers at be. I threw in the towel and just as I started to hang my head and walk away, I realized something. It is such a wonderful feeling to look in your inbox and see absolutely NOTHING.
That got me to thinking about the other "in boxes" in life that seem to stress me out. The first one that comes to my mind is my office. When I walk into my office I feel complete chaos. Besides the things that "belong" in the office, there are a million other items that due to the nature of a growing family, have found their way there as well. Many of you reading this know what I mean. There is always that one room, closet or drawer (if only I were so lucky to only have one drawer to worry about) that becomes the dumping ground for everything that the presence of children in the house forces out of other locations. In my husband's world, this place would be the garage. Our garage has forgotten its original intent...a place that our cars should be able to find rest and safety at the end of the day!
And then there's paper. You know, bills, mail, newspapers, magazines, notes to yourself, notes to others, children's artwork, pictures, calendars, books, oh I'm sure the list could go on. I mean WHERE do I put all of this stuff? And the most ironic thing about it all is that if I actually only kept the things around that I use on a daily, weekly, heck even monthly basis, I would probably have our desk with the computer and one drawer of items. That would be IT!
So lately I've been thinking, maybe it is all overrated. You know, the organizing it all, cataloguing it all, keeping it all. Maybe I should just chunk the most as possible and not worry about it. You know, just keep the things around that I use ALL of the time.
It sure would lead to a simpler life. Of course you know what would happen the moment the garbage truck takes it away...Stevie would come ask me "Hey, do you know where we put that ______?".
Gotta love it!
That got me to thinking about the other "in boxes" in life that seem to stress me out. The first one that comes to my mind is my office. When I walk into my office I feel complete chaos. Besides the things that "belong" in the office, there are a million other items that due to the nature of a growing family, have found their way there as well. Many of you reading this know what I mean. There is always that one room, closet or drawer (if only I were so lucky to only have one drawer to worry about) that becomes the dumping ground for everything that the presence of children in the house forces out of other locations. In my husband's world, this place would be the garage. Our garage has forgotten its original intent...a place that our cars should be able to find rest and safety at the end of the day!
And then there's paper. You know, bills, mail, newspapers, magazines, notes to yourself, notes to others, children's artwork, pictures, calendars, books, oh I'm sure the list could go on. I mean WHERE do I put all of this stuff? And the most ironic thing about it all is that if I actually only kept the things around that I use on a daily, weekly, heck even monthly basis, I would probably have our desk with the computer and one drawer of items. That would be IT!
So lately I've been thinking, maybe it is all overrated. You know, the organizing it all, cataloguing it all, keeping it all. Maybe I should just chunk the most as possible and not worry about it. You know, just keep the things around that I use ALL of the time.
It sure would lead to a simpler life. Of course you know what would happen the moment the garbage truck takes it away...Stevie would come ask me "Hey, do you know where we put that ______?".
Gotta love it!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Christmas gift giving
Does anyone else besides me think that Christmas gift giving is kind of weird. I mean, we all go out and buy things for other people that they told us they wanted and could have bought for themselves. So we spend money on buying things others could have got themselves and probably will once they determine no one else got it for them. I mean, we could just all simply buy ourselves the things we want and leave it at that.
Now I'm not trying to sound like a scrooge or anything here-actually on the contrary. I mean, the real "reason for the season" is Jesus right? Whatever happened to celebrating Advent the way it was intended to be-preparation for the arrival of the King.
But instead, it often happens like this: We get our loved ones lists from them, then fight the crazy crowds to go spend more money in a few days than we do the rest of the year on gift-giving to turn around, have them open it on Christmas Day and act as if they are surprised to get something they told us was on their list to begin with-well it all just seems silly to me sometimes.
I'm not opposed to gift-giving. What if instead, no one told anyone what they would like for Christmas. Instead, we could let our relationships with those people and the depth to which we know them, guide us on the type of gift we give them. And even then, the gift does not necessarily have to be store-bought. It could be something we make ourselves, some type of service we provide for them or just time well spent with that person we love. Seriously, I think one of the best gifts I could receive right now would be a clean house, time to sleep and a nice date night with my husband-and none of that requires anything store-bought from those around me!
Now I'm not trying to sound like a scrooge or anything here-actually on the contrary. I mean, the real "reason for the season" is Jesus right? Whatever happened to celebrating Advent the way it was intended to be-preparation for the arrival of the King.
But instead, it often happens like this: We get our loved ones lists from them, then fight the crazy crowds to go spend more money in a few days than we do the rest of the year on gift-giving to turn around, have them open it on Christmas Day and act as if they are surprised to get something they told us was on their list to begin with-well it all just seems silly to me sometimes.
I'm not opposed to gift-giving. What if instead, no one told anyone what they would like for Christmas. Instead, we could let our relationships with those people and the depth to which we know them, guide us on the type of gift we give them. And even then, the gift does not necessarily have to be store-bought. It could be something we make ourselves, some type of service we provide for them or just time well spent with that person we love. Seriously, I think one of the best gifts I could receive right now would be a clean house, time to sleep and a nice date night with my husband-and none of that requires anything store-bought from those around me!
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Nitty Gritty
I've heard people say "it's funny how ______ changes you". The blank has been filled in with a number of words and or phrases. Some of those could be:
- marriage
- motherhood/fatherhood
- experiencing the loss of a loved one
- becoming seriously ill
Or a number of other life-changing events. But lately I've been thinking about how maybe those events don't really change us, they just reveal more about us to ourselves. They strip us down to the core-reveal the nitty gritty as you might say.
At least that has been my experience in the past 4 years. In these last 4 years, quite a few major events have ocurred in my life.
1. I entered into the Catholic Church.
2. I got married.
3. I changed careers once (from teaching to counseling)
4. I started and finished graduate school.
5. I went through 2 pregnancies, labor and deliveries and now have two beautiful boys, under the age of 2.
6. I went from working full time to working part time, taking a more than half pay cut in my salary.
Here I am, today, 5 months into being a mother of two, and trying to juggle what sometimes feels like about 8 balls in the air at one time. I'm different than I was 4 years ago....or so I thought. But maybe I'm not so much more different, as I am just more me. I've come to realize some things about myself, the good, the bad and the ugly. The normal stresses that come with the daily routine of marriage, motherhood and work have come to reveal who I really am at my core. Some of it I like and some of it I don't. But I think what is most important is that I am taking inventory so I can see which qualities I need to stock up on more and which ones I need to get off of my shelves! So here is my inventory, so to speak.
I'm not as patient as I thought I was nor am I as organized as I had perceived myself to be. Physically, I am stronger than I thought I was, as two rough pregnancies and deliveries have revealed to me. I have a capacity to love that I did not know existed and to my own demise at times, I am selfless. I'm quicker to anger interiorally than I'd like to be but also less confrontational than what I need to be. I'm more forgiving of others than I am of myself. My self-esteem is a bit more fragile than I ever thought before. My faith continues to be strong, even when my will isn't. Like Paul writes about in his epistles, I see now that the struggle between my will and my flesh is very real and that the battle requires my contant attention.
I'm still learning, day by day, more about who I really am at the core. And although it has brought me to some stark realizations at particular moments, I am content to be on this journey. My ultimate goal, as one of my favorite speakers and authors so plainly puts it, is to become the best-version-of-myself. And part of getting there is spending time in the nitty gritty of my core.
- marriage
- motherhood/fatherhood
- experiencing the loss of a loved one
- becoming seriously ill
Or a number of other life-changing events. But lately I've been thinking about how maybe those events don't really change us, they just reveal more about us to ourselves. They strip us down to the core-reveal the nitty gritty as you might say.
At least that has been my experience in the past 4 years. In these last 4 years, quite a few major events have ocurred in my life.
1. I entered into the Catholic Church.
2. I got married.
3. I changed careers once (from teaching to counseling)
4. I started and finished graduate school.
5. I went through 2 pregnancies, labor and deliveries and now have two beautiful boys, under the age of 2.
6. I went from working full time to working part time, taking a more than half pay cut in my salary.
Here I am, today, 5 months into being a mother of two, and trying to juggle what sometimes feels like about 8 balls in the air at one time. I'm different than I was 4 years ago....or so I thought. But maybe I'm not so much more different, as I am just more me. I've come to realize some things about myself, the good, the bad and the ugly. The normal stresses that come with the daily routine of marriage, motherhood and work have come to reveal who I really am at my core. Some of it I like and some of it I don't. But I think what is most important is that I am taking inventory so I can see which qualities I need to stock up on more and which ones I need to get off of my shelves! So here is my inventory, so to speak.
I'm not as patient as I thought I was nor am I as organized as I had perceived myself to be. Physically, I am stronger than I thought I was, as two rough pregnancies and deliveries have revealed to me. I have a capacity to love that I did not know existed and to my own demise at times, I am selfless. I'm quicker to anger interiorally than I'd like to be but also less confrontational than what I need to be. I'm more forgiving of others than I am of myself. My self-esteem is a bit more fragile than I ever thought before. My faith continues to be strong, even when my will isn't. Like Paul writes about in his epistles, I see now that the struggle between my will and my flesh is very real and that the battle requires my contant attention.
I'm still learning, day by day, more about who I really am at the core. And although it has brought me to some stark realizations at particular moments, I am content to be on this journey. My ultimate goal, as one of my favorite speakers and authors so plainly puts it, is to become the best-version-of-myself. And part of getting there is spending time in the nitty gritty of my core.
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